was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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