What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
