Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
