doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
