Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
