Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
