also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
