I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
