Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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