i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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