I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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