dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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