i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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