how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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