It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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