So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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