i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
