can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
