I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
