Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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