I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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