I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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