i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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