Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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