i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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