i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
