i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
