On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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