Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
