Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
a search helicopter?!
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Dear god my vagina.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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