I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Randomize
