i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
