Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
