i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
