I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize
