I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
