I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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