I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
