he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
