FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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