five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
