either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
