Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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