She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
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