are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
my nose is crying tears of wow.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
