so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
