I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
i think my cat just said my name.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
