i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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