your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
