Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
