Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
